算了吧。。。

“就这样忘了吧，该放就放，
再想也没有用，
傻傻等待，他也不会回来，
你总该为自己想像未来。”

既然菩萨也说“不”， 为什么还逞强？
一次有一次的抱有希望，却换来一次又一次的失望。为什么甘心被伤？
让我欢喜，又让我伤。为何你是那么的难忘？
得不到想要的答案，为什么还不愿意放？

不管怎样， 我该保护自己， 把你遗忘。
这是为了不会再失望。
心，不再伤。

算了吧，该放就放， 该忘就忘。
从今开始，我不会对你有任何期望。
就这么样！

Exhausted...

It has been a very busy week. Suppose after MC election, I should have some spare time for myself, for my studies, for my family. However my to do list is getting longer and longer.

Yesterday was Start up camp. It was a relief to me because 90% of the project time line has been finalized. I finally can delegate the tasks to juniors. Though they still need our guidances, but I am glad that we finally close to the execution. I was excited with planning once a time, but now I am really tired of it, at least at this moment. I wish to see results from the tones of planning we have done. This is one of the small motivation to keep me go on here.

I thought I am good in multi-tasking. I thought I am good in time management. But I end up piling up my works until the point that they can bury me. I don't know where to start, which to start, how to start. I am tired to plan out my to-do list. Am I being lazy?

Argh...no point to complain here. Have to face the reality...

To AIESEC UPM...

Dear AIESEC UPM,

I am writing this to all AIESEC UPM EBs, seniors, juniors and alumni, especially for EBs and juniors who have went for MC election.

I would like to share a lot after the announcement of election result but I couldn't. I know I will end up crying, which I don't want to do so for 2 reasons. One, I don't want to be recognized as some one who cry so easily, and two, it's Brandon's good news anyway.

First and for most, I would like to thank all the support I've gain from everyone. I am so touch reading the messages at facebook, or email, or sms, especially from juniors. I never expected that. I am even more touch when I receive phone calls from Imran and William and sms from James, after the announcement of the result.

Before the election, I told myself I have nothing to lose. So just give all out and do the best. After election, I found out that I was actually wrong. I have one thing to lose, which are the votes. Other than that, nothing more. However I don't really mind for losing these votes because what I have gain are much more than that. I gain supports, I gain respects, I gain prides, I gain experiences, I gain confident, I gain concerns, I gain feedbacks, I gain love, I gain hugssssss......

Of course, telling you that I am not disappointed is a lie. I have put a lot of effort just to prepare that day. And when your effort could not pay the equal amount of result, you will feel disappointed. I spent a lot of time. I gave up my Chirstmas and New Year celebration. I gave up my year end mega sales shopping too. :(

But as a not-so result oriented person, I concern more on the process. I have learn a lot through the process of applying MC, from filling up the manifesto, to preparing the power point for opening speech, to the point I stood on stage to present my speech. I have been reflecting what I envision for in my life and in AIESEC. I have talk to many people and gain difference perspective point of view. I have redo some personality tests to know more about myself. I have learn to be strategic. Ever since I have decided to take up this challenge, I have prepare for the worse case to happen, i.e, I may be the only one not passing the VOC. But at the end of the day, I know that the experiences that I have gain through the whole process is the valuable thing to me. Of course if I am being elected to MC I will have more priceless experience, but, may be I am not prepared for that yet, and the others know this well more than myself. May be that is why I am not being voted. But looking at at better perspective, it is better for them to not vote me in as their leader, as compare to they vote me in and after that only found out that I am not suitable form them.

Through out this process also, I found everyone is so helpful. Soon Kit and Kaiser has been motivating me and providing constructive opinions on how to make a impactful presentation. Wai Leong has been giving me intensive tutorial to prepare me for the Q&A session. Brandon helped me to check my power point and gave me feedback on that so that I can make corrections. Not forgetting the morale supports from Sharron, Adele, Pooi Yee, Elaine, Cheryl, Carol, Maha, Lai Peng, Yen Hsia, Wee Chek, Hakimi and Randall. You guys also cheer me up a lot during my frustration moment. Oh ya, not to mention also fellow FAs. Special thanks to Ren Chang, and William who have shared a lot a lot with me.

It's time for me to share a bit with juniors. I have been seeking the opportunity to challenge myself, to speak in front of a plenary, and to shout "hey AIESEC". No doubt, it took me lots of courage to take this step. But all it takes is just the initiative to take this step, and you will eventually move forward to make a difference in your live. Never try, never know. If I've never try to apply for MC, I never know that I have improve in my presentation skill (ceh...). I think at the end of the day, it all comes back to the trust of yourself. Believe in your dream. Believe in your talent. Believe in your capability.

It has been a long day. I am so tired. I think I have finish what I have to say. I shall have a good rest......

Welcome 2009...and happy birthday to my blog....

Happy New Year, and Happy 1st anniversary to my blog!!!!

Yes, it's a brand new year ahead. I am so excited!

Last year was a wonderful year over all. Of course, there are ups and downs, but I am satisfy with what I have done last year. It was a busy year. All I can recall now are all AIESEC stuff. From MIRACLE OC, I became EB, from EB, I apply for MC. If I am going to start talking about AIESEC now I think I don't need to sleep ady. haha. So let's full stop here.

The next thing in my mind is the change of status of my friends. Some changes from single to not available, some from not available to single. I am happy for those who found their another half. But for those who lost it, maybe that's not the one you are looking for. So, yeah, keep looking. Same for me, keep looking and waiting.


*this picture is very nice indeed, but please assume it's not me n him la, k.*


erm...**recalling, recalling, and recalling**Oh ya, I have extended my network a lot last year. Not to mention the EBs, but also my ex-colleagues, and the Midah gang. haha.


There were a lot of first time in last year. Some examples I can recall are:
1. First time going to 1 Utama, and I have to drive myself.
2. First time attending a friend's wedding dinner.
3. First time play majong.
4. First time hang out till 4am.
5. First time get a C in uni exam.
6. First time receive present on Valentine.
7. First time facilitate session.
8. First time blogging.
9. First time entering casino.
10. First time go Batu Ferringhi, Bukit Mertajam, Bentong and Putrajaya.
still got many more.....

Well, I wanted to dig out the paper that I have wrote my new year resolutions last year, but unfortunately I have kept it in a secretive place until me myself can't locate it. Fine. Is this an indication that I should not remember the sad moments that have happened and only remember those happy ones...

2008 has passed, and we cannot turn back. I have learn a new quote by Randy Pausch. "You can't change the card that has been dealt....its only how you play with it". This is so true. So let's see what card am I getting next, and how should I play with it.

2009 will be a crucial year of my life. The decision I make this year will probably affect the rest of my life. I am heading towards a crossroad, again. Last time, I have chose the road majority have stepped on. What about this time?

I have drank white coffee just now, so I can't sleep yet. So, let's share a bit how I welcomed 2009. Initially I have 3 plans, but I have ffk all 3, and I thought I am going to end up my countdown at home. Who know at 11pm, a good friend of mine came to my house and we went to the Old Town opposite my house. Just 2 of us, spent the last hour of 2008 , and the first hour of 2009 together. Some times it was cool to sit down with a friend whom you can share secret and feeling and thoughts and she really can understand you. This friend of mine, we have similar characteristic. But we also have our uniqueness. We always have the same thoughts and thus, she understands me best. I knew her for 10 years.

*she is the one I am refering to*

10 years is not a short period, but I have know this bunch of girls for 10 years. I treasure them a lot a lot. Though now I may seems not so committed to them, but girls, you are always in my heart. Why have I neglected the gatherings some times is because I know I will never lose you girls even thought I missed one or two gathering. I know you all can .........................I shall continue in a different post because I have a lot to tell. Stay tune.

Lastly, message to myself : "All the best Chloe for year 2009. May you stay pretty and adorable forever. Hope you will success in everything you do. Best of luck in VOC. And most importantly, wish you dreamsssss come true!!!"

What's in my mind tonight...

1am : I have made the tough decision. I know some people will say, if you want, just take it, if not, just leave it, why think so much. But me, I can't.
I finally found out the reason why am i so indecisive.Even when I have decided, and filling up the application package, I ask myself again. I have hard time going through all the questions and finishing the whole package. Every time I am stuck, I doubt should I move on. I know the answer, NO, but i just need externals to tell me I can do it, I must do it. I've also put a statement on my msn to keep reminding myself that I should move on.
Yes, there is no room to look back anymore. I have to move forward. Believe in my decision, believe in what I want, have faith to myself.

2.15am : I was browsing through one of my ex-colleague's wedding photos. They are so lovely. I really admire her. Finally she found her love one and she built up a family with him. Forever they go hands-in-hands till their last breath. How romantic. Wonder when my time will arrive....

2.35 am: Later, I started to receive a lot congratulations on my MC application. I also started to gain a lot of opinions on how to prepare myself for VOC. Chatting with my EBs, others VPs FA, and seniors helped me to gather lots of information and motivation. AIESECers are so friendly and helpful. Thanks a lot...I suddenly cried while chatting with Soon Kit and Kaiser. I don't know why, whether they make me too nervous, or I am touched by their helping hands...Anyway, no matter you guys were talking cork or not, I feel the sincerity and the sharing was great too.

4.05 am: It's time to stop thinking and get moving.....stay tune for next week....

Out of topic...

I wanted to post the pictures I have taken during pre camp and MyLDS. But I thought I have post enough at facebook. So go visit my facebook.

I wanted to describe the trip I have been anticipated for long, and finally I got to go. But the mood just isn't right.

I am still thinking of the same issue....again and again...without conclusion. Even when times I am near to the conclusion, I pull out again. I know what I want. And at this moment of time, I don't think I am that kind of person who follow what my friend does. I know what is good for me. But I don't know what am I worrying off.

Thinking

Still thinking....

And thinking....

I shall make the decision after this post.....or else....

The highlights of my holiday

In the middle of my holidays, I left home for 2 weeks. Not to go to a sunshine beach, nor a historical city but a beautiful journal of life in a place I am familiar, but a brand new experience.

Starting with Train the Trainer workshop till LC PM, I have lots of fun staying under one roof with these bunch of people, having different characteristic, different background, different dreams, different taste in choosing lover, but sharing the same vision-----254 254 254.....

TtT, I learnt more than I expected. Honest speaking, I was not so passionate to become a trainer because I do not have the confident and skills. However the workshop thought me that a trainer was not born, but is to trained. So basically everyone can be a trainer.

Pre camp, was the first time I was given a session to conduct. Hope I did not disappoint anyone. I admit that I tried my best, but my best was not that best yet. Will definitely improve on that.

MNC, meeting friends from other uni whom I never meet for 6 months, there were some excitements and some guilts ( for not able to remember their names). There were sorrows, looking at a LC being disbanded and facing the fact the my own LC getting into MIA. There were joys, gossiping with my house mates every night.

MyLDS closing ceremony enlighten me. The moment when juniors went onto the stage and share their feelings and thoughts throughout the 6 days 5 nights. I never know that what we did really left an impact to them. I never know that a 6 days conference can change people's mindset and inspire people.

Reviewing my expectation on the first day of MyLDS, I wrote, to be motivated and inspired. Yes, I have achieved it on the very last day. I am inspired by the juniors. Watching them enjoying participants, being motivated and have a faith on @ that can give them a different experience, I am so proud. They were hugging me and saying thank you to me, in fact, I should thanks them. Not forgetting my team mates. It has been a great time together. We work hard, we play hard.

I never thought that I can be a change agent. My intention of joining AIESEC and staying in AIESEC was solely on self development and improvement, to prepare a better me for a better future. Being in EB and attending MyLDS from a difference role change my thought. I want to contribute more in member development, developing myself, in the mean time, creating more people like me, in fact, more people who are better than me, who are capable AIESECers....... People change my life in AIESEC, I also wana change people's life.....in AIESEC!